So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
