I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize