that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
