I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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