You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize