i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
