We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
