I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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