This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
