I have demons in me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You made out with two different species that night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
