We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
