I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize