is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
