from now on my penis is your penis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
