there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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