My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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