things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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