When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
