my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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