I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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