i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
