instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
