He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You dont lie about slip and slides
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
