I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
