Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
