So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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