Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
