I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
