The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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