(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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