can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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