"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
