U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
