new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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