Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize