I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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