Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
