i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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