Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize