her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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