Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
