don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
