If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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