Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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