meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
