Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
