well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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