i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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