girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
