I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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