Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
