she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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