Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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