I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
