What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
