I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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