sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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