I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We just shotgunned beers for America
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
