im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
