sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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