love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
