Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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