hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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