We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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