I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
