I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
