Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
