I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
