My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
