can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
