I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
