I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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