Too much gin, very little bucket
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Rumble strips road head = magical
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
