i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
