I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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