I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
