I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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