Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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