So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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