I just threw up on my dentist
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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