smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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