The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize