Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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