I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
