I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
