thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
