Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
