Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
