tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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