so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
