i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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