What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
