i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
