it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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