no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
