She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize