I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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