This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize